Avoiding vs. Healing
Avoiding Looks Like “I’m Over It”
After a relationship is over, people sometimes say, “To get over someone, you have to get under someone else.” This is not progress in healing; this is avoiding the problem and jumping into something new before you can process what happened in your last relationship.
If nothing is processed, the same issues often continue to show up in new relationships.
Healing is Having Hard Conversations
No matter how a relationship ended, healing is uncomfortable because it requires honesty. You need to be honest with yourself: maybe you did things out of character, ignored red flags, or stayed when you weren't happy because you didn't want to be alone.
Healing is having uncomfortable conversations with yourself and with your partner to gain clarity.
It's about understanding, not winning or choosing your ego.
Avoiding Repeats the Pattern
Signs that you are avoiding your problems include flirting with other people, telling your friends you don't care, and telling yourself you just have bad luck or that you are not the problem. When you avoid your problems, you are just distracting yourself while you head towards self-destruction.
But when you avoid the hard conversations, you put yourself at risk of repeating the same patterns and ignoring the same bad behaviors. Avoid changing who you are.
Healing Builds Better Love
To heal, ask yourself questions to learn from your past relationships and past mistakes.
Reflecting on the past can make you realize the things you liked or didn't like in a relationship. It can also help you figure out boundaries that you want to make clear in your next relationship. Healing helps you enter your next relationship with clear goals and healthy communication.
Setting boundaries can be hard, but they are necessary. Read the article The Art of Setting Boundaries in College for tips!
Reflection can also make you realize what you need in a partner and help you choose the right person who feels safe, not just exciting. It gives you room for growth.
Photo from Pinterest
The Difference Between Healing & Avoiding
Healing gives you long-term peace with yourself and in your future relationships. It helps you trust yourself and your inner peace.
Avoiding gives you relief and a carefree mindset until you find yourself back in that same situation. Avoiding issues is a distraction and keeps you busy; it's like living with rose colored glasses on.
Changing Your Habits
In past relationships, you could have avoided issues that protected you and helped you survive heartbreaks. But if you are constantly finding yourself in the same spot, that should be a wake-up call.
Your healing process doesn't have to be dramatic. It just needs to be consistent.
It can look like:
Reflecting on the roles you played in a relationship
Spending time with your thoughts instead of rebounding
Read the Article Learning to Love Your Own Company
Stepping away when your standards and priorities are not being met
Being honest with yourself and with your partner about what you need, even when it's awkward
Break the unhealthy cycle in your life and start to heal! If you know a friend who needs to heal rather than avoid, send this to them!