Finding Freedom in Solitude
As Carrie Bradshaw once said, “I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.” But before we find our Mr. Big, we have to experience our fair share of Petrovskys, Aidans and (hopefully little to no) Bergers. The dating process of finding “the one” can be mentally draining and may even leave us questioning if there is anyone out there for us.
The dating scene, especially in college, can cause us to experience false hope and heartbreak. At times, it feels scary being alone and experiencing short-lived relationships. But, with ups and downs along with difficult endings, it’s possible to find yourself in a relationship that is no longer providing you happiness due to these fears.
Finding yourself in a relationship comfort zone can unfold in various ways. Maybe you have been dating someone for so long that you no longer know who you are without them by your side. Perhaps both of you lack effort but are used to each other and a routine. Or, it’s easier to make up rather than break up and enter the dating pool to find someone new. Therefore, we might find ourselves taking the easy route and trying to rekindle a flame that has truly burnt out.
As you grow and experience life, you will eventually feel at ease in any relationship you enter — whether it is platonic or romantic. Yet this does not mean that the initial effort and energy put into a partnership should fade. Comfortability and routine do have a place in relationships, but here are a few signs you might want to watch for to avoid staying in your relationship comfort zone.
1. Rehearsed apologies
When you are in a relationship, it is important to remember that you will not always agree on everything. At times, you may have differing opinions or disagreements during your relationship. However, if there is an endless cycle of arguing, you may want to step back and reflect on not only why these arguments are occurring but how they are getting resolved. Does your partner repeat the same apology after every last-minute cancellation? Do they know exactly what to say to have you forgive their mistakes, but not change the pattern? If so, you might want to take a moment and think about if genuine effort is being made in order to prevent repetitive behavior.
2. You’re starting to look at other people…a lot
Once you enter a relationship, it’s normal to still find other people attractive. But if you notice that your wandering eyes are focusing on other people rather than your partner, you may want to see if you are still fully committed to your relationship.
3. Sweet nightmares
Remember that time when you were always excited for those sweet, personal moments with your partner? Maybe this looked like grabbing early morning coffee together before class or binge-watching your favorite TV show together. If the memories feel distant, and the things you used to find charming now make you annoyed, consider why these feelings have changed.
Being single is better than staying in a relationship that is unhealthy or has run its course. Singlehood is an opportunity to figure out exactly what you want and to avoid settling for someone who doesn’t provide the level of affection and energy that you deserve. When it comes to love, self-respect and the ability to put yourself first are important.
Although Carrie Bradshaw found her Mr. Big, she knows that, at the end of the day, you are capable of finding fulfillment within yourself. If you find yourself stuck in the relationship comfort zone, know that Bradshaw always has a quote for you. Take time to love and care for yourself because “the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous.”